I feel so funky...

Welcome back to the workweek. I hope the weekend found you well.

Over the weekend, I made a new friend. This friend is very good for me. Someone who knows what he is doing recommended this friend to me. This friend helps me to relax and just feel better all over. This friend is Valium.

Remember when I commented a while ago about back pain? Well, apparently it was worse than I thought. As the weekend wore on it got worse and worse. Yesterday morning, it became too hard to deal with the pain, so I went to the treatment center to get checked out. After sitting in the waiting room for approximately four eternities, I was allowed in to the smaller waiting room where they took my blood pressure and asked me a few questions. I was then banished back to the bigger waiting room again, where I was to wait for another six eternities before finally getting in to see an actual doctor. It was at this point I began having little flashbacks to episodes of Scrubs…

“Dr, I think I that I may have pink eye.”
“Ok, take off your pants.”

Oh, Dr. Wynn…

Anyway, when I finally did see the doctor, he poked and prodded at me for a bit and determined that I did strain some muscles in my back pretty badly. Worse than that, he determined that I’ve been having some back spasms that have only made things worse. He sent in a nurse to inject me with some strong anti-inflammatory medicine and also my new friend, Valium.

It was amazing how quickly it took effect. My whole body just started to relax and feel much, much better.

I learned something yesterday, though. Be careful what you say when you’re on Valium, because you may not even remember it.

Last night, when one of my roommates came home, I said to him, “Dude, did you hear what happened to me today?” He responded, “What happened?”

I began to tell him of my trip to the treatment center and about my back troubles. He looked at me and said, “Yeah, we talked about this earlier. We had like a ten minute conversation. I thought you meant that something else happened. Do you not remember us talking about it?”

I stared blankly, trying to wrack my brain for any recollection of such a conversation. It was to no avail. As far as my brain was concerned, it never happened.

In addition to forgetting what you say, Valium has a tendency to cause you to doze off. Something I do remember from yesterday is writing an email to another friend. I completely dozed off right in the middle of what I was writing. I woke approximately ten minutes later to find that my hand had been resting on the “L” key. There was line after line after line that just looked like this:

Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

I should’ve just sent the email as it was. It would have been funny. Instead, I edited out the gratuitous “L’s” and finished up where from where I had stopped.

So today I propose a toast to Valium. May it make my ensuing days off from work tolerable, keep me from pain, and help make watching Batman Returns (it’s on right now) more interesting.

Happy Monday, people.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats