And knowing is half the battle...

I had a conversation the other day about languages. After answering my phone in Korean, the caller started asking me about language. I said that I'm a pretty big fan a languages (English, especially, it is American, after all).

Way back in sixth grade, I took a summer school course on Russian. Couple that with two years of German in high school, and I realize that I've taken classes in three different languages, worked landscaping for seven years (picked up a little Spanish there), and learned some choice phrases in Korean from my sister-in-law. That's a lot of words. I love words. Although they can be dangerous...

I've been reading this hilarious book lately. Inspired by The Colbert Report (silent "t's"), I recently made a stop at the library and picked up Stephen Colbert's book, "I Am America (And So Can You!)"

It's quite funny, and today I just wanted to share one little passage about education and the emotional pain that it causes:

Let me ask you this: why were you happier when you were a kid?

Because you didn't KNOW anything.

The more you know, the sadder you get.

Don't believe me? By the time you finish reading this chapter, over a hundered dogs and cats in animal shelters around the nation will have been euthanized.

Bet you wish you could erase that knowledge. But it's too late. You learned a NEW IDEA, and it made you sad.

So you see...be careful what you learn.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel

Actually, it's a titanium-gold alloy...

Mmm...how 'bout that Memorial Day Weekend? I love me some mondays off, but it always makes tuesdays feel like mondays, and (therefore) wednesdays become tuesdays, etc.

Personally, I think that the only fair way to bring balance to the calendar would be to get the whole week off instead of just the one day, ya know?

Over the weekend, I made my way to the local cineplex and caught two more movies. On saturday afternoon, I went to see the latest installment of the Indiana Jones saga. It was not so great. I could probably rant and rave about what I disliked about the movie, but I think that the battery on my laptop would go dead before I finished, since it only has two hours of life left in it. Let's just say that I prefer fewer gophers, fighting monkeys, aliens, and nuke-proof refrigerators in my pulp-style movies.

Seriously, it's been 19 years since Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was released. 19 years...and this is the story that prompted the Lucas/Spielberg dynamic duo to make another story with our favorite whip-wielding hero. I think the movie featured a little too much Lucas and not enough Spielberg. The plot wandered more than a wide-eyed kid at a Toys 'R Us.

I mean...monkeys? Really? How do you make monkeys uncool? MONKEYS!!! That's on par with making lame pirates, ninjas, or pirate-ninjas.

So yeah, I didn't care for it too much. When I got to the theater and had to decide between Indy and Iron Man, I flipped a quarter to make the choice. It came up tails/Indy. Bad quarter, bad!!! I left the quarter on the counter at the theater to be rid of its curse when I purchased my ticket for Iron Man immediately after seeing Indy. I needed to see something good to cleanse the taste of Indy from my palette.

I feel a little bad for whomever picked up that cursed quarter...they probably thought it was their lucky day. Too bad it was UNluck.

Iron Man, on the other hand, was awesome. I won't say more than to just go see it. You'll find yourself smiling the whole time. Who knew that a glorified fire extinguisher could have such a hilarious personality? Go see it.

So on my Spartan Scale, I'll give Iron Man 24 Spartans. Indy? 244 Spartans. (Yes, it was more than ten times worse than Iron Man.)

Did I mention to go see Iron Man?

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Jessica" by The Allman Brothers Band

Pregnancy and other shenanigans...

So I just finished watching "Juno" for the (I believe) fourth time. I must say...I LOVE THIS MOVIE!

Everytime I watch it, I think that I love it even more. For those of you who don't know, "Juno" is a movie that is mostly about a teenage girl who gets pregnant. Sounds hilarious, right?

The movie, while being funny, doesn't make light of the situation, though. Juno is a confident young girl who has that aura of "untouchability" about her. Nothing phases Juno. She's always equipped with a sharp retort to anything anyone says to her. When this life-changing event happens to her, she tries to keep up her "tough girl" persona. Eventually, it gets to her, though, and she lets it effect her, as it should.

I think that's one of the things that I like most about this movie. Things change. At the beginning, most of the characters seem pretty stereotypical and one-dimensional, as Juno (a teenage girl) sees them. She's the spunky girl. Her step-mom, Brenda, is over-bearing. Her father, Mac, is focused on his work. Mark is the "cool guy" who watches horror movies and plays a guitar. Vanessa is an obsessive neat-freak and controlling wife. Paulie Bleeker is a geek. This is the world as Juno sees it and how we, as viewers, are shown her little world at the beginning.

As the movie progresses, though, every character actually develops. Brenda shows herself to be caring and sacrificial. Mac gets very involved in the adoption process and has some very good conversations with Juno. Bleeker stays a geek pretty much, but is shown to be very caring. Mark ends up being afraid to move forward with his life. Vanessa has been burned in the past, and ends up being very genuine. Juno lets her situation effect her.

Everyone changes...and that's just it. Life's events change people. Sure, it seems like an obvious message, but we don't really see it too often in movies. It's refreshing.

I suppose that there's one exception, though. Juno's best friend Leah is an idiot and remains an idiot throughout the movie. She does, however, say that she loves Woody Allen, which is hilarious in the context of the movie. So I forgive her.

I think my favorite scene in the movie, though, is when Juno is telling her parents about the pregnancy. After breaking the news and talking for a bit, her father says, "Junebug, I always thought that you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when."

She pauses for a minute, letting the thought sink in, and replies, "I don't know what kind of girl I am."

It's about growing up and how we continue to grow up, even when we get older.

All in all, great movie with sharp dialogue and an unbelievable soundtrack. I'll likely listen to it all day tomorrow now. Just catchy music that sticks in your head. (Except for that "Vampire" song...that one's awful.)

And you better believe that I'm figuring out how to play that "Anyone Else But You" song...(It's just two chords, really.)

So on The Spartan Scale, I think I give "Juno" 7 Spartans. It's just that good. Check it out if you haven't already.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Tragic Comic" by Extreme

Ebert and Roeper got nothin' on me...

So I've been thinking more and more about what to do with this blog. Sure, it's a handy way for me to expound upon the frivolous thoughts that come and go through my head, but how can I make it more interesting? How can I make it be somewhat useful to you, the reader, who clearly is looking to kill a few minutes?

I've decided that I'll offer up a bit of a service occasionally. No, don't worry, it'll be free of charge. What I'm offering you isn't all that valuable, but it just may save you some time, sanity, or even save your life. (Not likely, though.)

I've decided that I'm going to, every now and then, write up some movie reviews. I love movies. Good movies, bad movies, just-so-long-as-they're-not-forgettable-movies...I enjoy them all in their own way. I suppose it's the escapist in me who just wants to slip away from my chaos-riddled brain and focus on something that is, so completely, not me.

Before I do this, however, I need to explain how I rate movies. Some people will give a movie between zero and five stars. Some refer to a number of "thumbs up" or "thumbs down." Rottentomatoes.com gives a percentage of positive reviews and calls them either "fresh" or "rotten."

I've got something better. (At least, I like it, anyway.)

My system was developed after seeing the epic pseudo-historical movie "300." Many people loved and doted upon the greatness of this movie. It made a killing at the box office. Sure, it had lots of action (blood) and fighting. However, I also felt it had lots of boredom-producing moments.

For starters, dude...what's with all the slow-motion? Every time an "action" scene was about to begin, the rock music kicked in and things slowed to a crawl so that we could see copious amounts of blood spurts as people were slain left and right. This carries on for the entire movie. I'm pretty convinced that if the movie had not had so much slow motion in it, it would've been five minutes long, and probably much more enjoyable, to boot.

Next, the yelling was an issue. Nobody just speaks in this movie. Everyone yells. All the time. Ok, so I exaggerate a bit, but it certainly felt that way. We get your point. You're a big, angry warrior. We don't need to hear you yelling "SPAARRRTTTAAA!!!!" every five minutes.

All in all, the movie was just not a pleasant experience. Former roommate and current Italian Nick said it best when we finished watching the movie as the over-the-top rock music played and the credits began to roll:

"Man, even the credits are annoying."

Well said, Nick. Well said.

It's not all negative, though. Remember how I said "300" helped develop my movie rating system? (You should, it was just a few paragraphs ago.) I've lately rated movies by, what I affectionately call, The Spartan Scale.

Here's how it works. I hated "300." So on The Spartan Scale, it gets a score of 300 Spartans. 300 Spartans = As bad as the movie "300." Movies that are worse than "300" will get more Spartans on The Spartan Scale. Better movies will get less. (It's like golf scores or the number of times you stub your toe...lower numbers are better.)

For instance, "Borat," one of my least favorite movies, I've rated at 500 Spartans. (My worst rating ever.) "Bio-Dome" comes in at #2 on my worst list and scores 490 Spartans. "Fight Club" nets 8 Spartans, because it is so awesome.

Make sense? Sure, it's not a perfect system, but I like it and think it's quite funny.

And you know there are certain factors that can influence the Spartan Scale. If a movie features Bruce Campbell...that's minus 20 Spartans right off the top. Tom Arnold? Add 20 Spartans.

You get the idea.

So there you have it. That's The Spartan Scale. I think it's awesome. I give it 6 Spartans.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Hard Sun" by Eddie Vedder

This looks like a job for me...

"...nobody wants to see Marshall no more, they want Shady...I'm chopped liver."

Ah, words from that great and noble poet, Eminem, or Marshall Mathers, if you're nasty.

All that to say, guess who's back...back again!

I'd love to say that I used this time away from the blog wisely...that I accomplished such and such and conquered several small nations. That is not, however, the case. (Watch out though, Republic of Malta, I've got my eye on you.) Life carries on (as it usually does) much as it used to. I am now, though, thirty years old. As such, I'd like to think that I've grown up some, even if only a little bit.

To that end, I bring forth the following topic. Integrity. What is it? Why does it matter? How can integrity help me conquer small nations?

For starters, let's take a look at the definition of the word:

Dictionary.com (a favorite site of mine) lists three main definitions for "integrity"
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.
3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

While definition #2 may come in handy when establishing my dominion over Malta (later to be renamed Rob's Republic of Awesome), and definition #3 is good to understand for inevitable space travel (my shuttle better have plenty o' integrity), I believe that the "integrity" the I'm referring to is more in line with definition #1.

Moral and ethical principles. Sounds fun, right? I know that when I go to a party, the first person that I look for is the one with solid moral and ethical principles.

No?

Ok, so integrity isn't the most fun topic in the world, but it definitely matters. In today's world, most people are only interested in results. The ends justify the means.

Is that the way it ought to be, though? Should the ends, however they are found, really make up for what is lost in the method used to find them?

I'm proposing no. While it may not matter in each and every circumstance, integrity helps shape and mold you in a way that tells other people that you are trustworthy and honest. If we focus more on relationships, integrity will matter more and more.

Where am I going with this? I'm not really even sure. What I do know is that in the past week or so, my integrity has been challenged on many, many levels. I'd like to think that I handled things relatively well in most cases. In some of those cases, though, I know I fell short.

Fortunately, I know that part of integrity comes from perseverance. So it's time to press on.

So, how have you been? Miss me? (Feels good to write again.)

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Like a Rolling Stone" by Bob Dylan