They probably learned that trick from Bill Clinton...

So as I was flipping through the channels on the television last night, I made a bizarre discovery. I came to channel 40, American Movie Classics (AMC, for short) and a movie was just beginning. It featured a leather-clad Halle Berry prancing about fighting crime like a cat.

Yes, Catwoman was part of the lineup on the American Movie Classics channel...

Catwoman.

An American Movie Classic?

I figured that it must just be a fluke, an anomaly. Checking the schedule for the channel today I see that Hard To Kill, starring Steven Seagal, is on tonight. I'm sorry, but the only classic thing that Seagal has ever done is make mediocre (at best) movies while squinting. Seriously, I wonder if he can even see where he's going most of the time. And don't worry, if you miss the airing of Hard To Kill tonight, they're replaying it again tomorrow afternoon.

I wanted to look into this station a little more, so I visited their website. I discovered something a little unusual. Nowhere on the website do they refer to the station as American Movie Classics. It's only called "AMC." Perhaps someone there wised-up to the "un-classic-ness" of its current state and figured they should drop the full name in favor of the less specific, more forgiving abbreviation.

That opens up a whole new slew of crappy movies to the programming schedule. I guess the trick is just to redefine the terms when the present ones don't suit your current needs. Sure, it may be the cheap way out, but what could be more classically American?

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Trapped in the Drive-Thru" by Weird Al Yankovic (It's National Drive-Thru Day Today!)

Watch out for that wrench...

With all this time away from the blog, there's so much that I could talk about here. I could focus on that crazy decree from the Pope, the fact that this new movie "Who's Your Caddy?" is likely a sign of the apocalypse, Prison Break becoming my latest addiction, or the ongoing saga of Michael Vick.

Lately I've had something slightly more hilarious on my mind: Dodgeball.

On saturday I watched my roommates and a bunch of friends participate in the National Outdoor Dodgeball Championships. I would've liked to play, but I figured it'd be pretty embarrassing if I were to aggravate my injury and have to explain that to my boss.

As I have previously stated, seeing people get hit with things is very entertaining. When Steve went in to sign up the team, he said that the park district employee warned him that the game wasn't just about throwing and catching, but there was a lot of strategy involved. Now, I had wondered how much strategy could really be involved. I figured the guy was all talk and just trying to fill up an empty bracket. I was wrong.

The first match that they competed in was against a group of guys who had obviously done this many, many times before. They even brought a radio with mp3 player with them and set it down on their side of the court so that they could have some pumping techno music to aid their dodgeballing efforts. (It gave me flashes to The Big Lebowski...) These guys (we dubbed them "The Swedes" due to their yellow and blue jerseys) steamrolled over our team knocking out all 6 competitors without losing any of their players. I found the whole thing hilarious as our team looked like the rookies that they were. If it was any consolation, though, our team had some amazing jerseys (white shirts with a big, red target on the front). The next match wasn't much better, as we lost again, only knocking out one player from the other team. It was looking to be a very long day.

When all was said and done, the good guys got their act together and started playing well. They ended up taking second place in the division by the end of the tournament, losing in the championship match to the aforementioned "Swedes." I've got some hilarious video footage from the day including one of the most errant throws ever caught on tape. It's possible that it's still sailing off course...

The funniest part about the dodgeball tournament, however, was the people. Some people took it so very, very seriously. I felt pretty sorry for the refs who were judging these events. They were constantly berated for the calls that they would make or not make. I guess that when things get competitive, it doesn't matter the source of the competition. People just hate losing.

Me? I'm pretty used to it.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Satisfaction" by Benny Benassi

Just keep your pants on, ok...

Did you know that we're smack dab in the middle of Nude Recreation Week? Sounds fun, no? This would be a good time to take on the most extreme sport of all time...Naked Cactus Tackling. (I once gave that as an answer in a game of "Loaded Questions" to the question, "What is the most extreme sport?")

Anyway, I'm sure you can find your own way to celebrate.

Over the weekend I attended a wedding and came to a conclusion. No, it has nothing to do with love, marriage, or weddings. It is simply that Avril Lavigne's new hit is quite possibly the most obnoxious song ever recorded. The DJ at the reception played it at one point very loudly and it drove me up the wall. I don't have any point to this. It's just something that needed to be said.

So I'm sitting at home today enjoying the "I Love the 90's" marathon on VH1. Reliving things like Sir-Mix-Alot, Arrested Development, and Reservoir Dogs is just good fun. Why am I not at work, you ask? Well, it was not too long ago that I was diagnosed with hip bursitis. Turns out that was incorrect. I visited the orthopedic specialist yesterday to have a follow-up appointment. He promptly started poking and prodding at me, and said that there was "no way" that I had bursitis. The shooting pains and numbness in my left leg were much more consistent with sciatic nerve damage.

So that's what I now have, or at least now I know that is what it is. I suppose it is what I had all along, after all.

So I find myself out of work for 3-4 weeks now, once again taking full advantage of work's short-term disability program. I like to think that I am the BGC's version of Fred Taylor. Productive when healthy, but accident prone.

Still, I'm grateful, once again, that I work for a company that doesn't fire me for being so injury prone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stop celebrating and go put some clothes on.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Cantaloop" by US3

I think I may be falling apart...

So in my most recent trip to the treatment center, I was diagnosed with something called "hip bursitis." Unfortunately, the "hip" that it refers to does not mean cool or stylish, it's referring to that area of the body in which the leg meets the torso. (Incidentally, isn't "torso" a fun word?)

Apparently, there are these things called "bursas" in the body that provide a cushioned gliding surface between body tissues. I've managed to damage one of them on my left side. When the doctor asked me if I've fallen or bumped my side lately, I recalled recent events in which I couldn't see where I was going and walked into a railing very hard, and the next day I slipped on a frisbee in a blacktop parking lot. I suddenly thought to myself, "My, my...I sound very clumsy."

So I find myself in a good deal of pain lately whenever I stay on my feet for any length of time. Additionally, I get the bonus of having my left leg numb up as well. This morning in the shower it got so bad that I had to just sit on the floor of the tub for a bit to recover. Fun times.

So yes, I've hurt my hip. If I wasn't feeling old enough before, I certainly am now. Fortunately I am surrounded by supportive, helpful people who wouldn't poke fun at me as I dreadfully approach the big 3-0. Oh wait...

So approach this weekend with caution. You could be next!

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Kiss" by Tom Jones

Nobody knows...the trouble I've seen...

I wasn't really sure what to write about today, but I just received (from a very reliable source) a little story that I thought was rather amusing. I'd like to entitle it:

"Now THAT's thinking outside of the box...or cell (in this case.)"

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was early spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love,
Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

That's pretty resourceful, no? Kudos to Vinnie for finding a way to get the job done in spite of his incarceration.

Now if we could only get the rest of those lazy criminals in prison to do likewise...

Have a great 4th, peoples! Don't lose any fingers...

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Beautiful World" by Collin Hay

Careful, I think it's up to something...

Simple. Over the weekend I was thinking about simplicity a bit. I think that when it comes down to it, I am a pretty simple man. I have simple pleasures, simple tastes, and many people would argue that I am rather simple-minded.

I'd like to think that's not necessarily a bad thing. It is because of this simplicity that I find the following clip so absolutely hilarious. It comes from some Japanese game show, and the more I watch it the funnier it becomes. Take a look:


And as if that wasn't funny enough, take a look at what someone with a little creative editing skills was able to accomplish:


hehehe...

I figure that I must be simple to enjoy that so much. And if you find it as hilarious as I do, you just might be simple, too. (With a minimal amount of searching, you can find all sorts of variations of that clip...try searching for dramatic squirrel and you'll see.)

Anyway, I suppose I'm just enjoying the simple things today, like the fact that the sun is shining and the temperature is nearly perfect. Perhaps you can take a little joy in something simple today as well.

Or at least get a chuckle from that shifty eyed varmint.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Simple Lessons" by Candlebox