And here's my wife, Mogan Fairchild! Yes, that's the ticket...

Ok, so I said I wasn’t going to write any more this week, but then you all had to go and cry about it, so here I am, ready to feed your habit. Or maybe I’m just a compulsive liar. (Bonus points to people who aren’t named Kent who recognize the title of today’s column.)

The truth is that I find myself feeling, as they said in Patch Adams, “excessively happy” tonight. And before you even ask, no, I am not on Valium. It’s just been a goofy kind of night and I have heard a few catchy tunes that have given me the urge to sing a bit. (No, I’m not a singer, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it.)

So my thoughts have turned musical. I just want…I just want to sing. (No, no…stop that! Stop that!) I thought I’d throw out a list of songs that I think would be hysterical to hear done as karaoke. Here they are…the top five songs I’d love to hear sung by someone who has no serious vocal talent!

5) “Chop Suey!” by System of a Down (Come on, who can resist a song that has fast-whispering and contains an exclamation point in the title?)
4) “She Bangs” by William Hung (Ricky Martin who?)
3) “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips (Harold and Kumar forever changed this song for me.)
2) ”Beyond the Sea” by Bobby Darrin (Anybody can pull off this crooner. And it’s a fun one to sing. I know I’ve been guilty of belting it out while in the car.)

And #1) “Yellow Ledbetter” by Pearl Jam (Seriously, you can’t understand a word that Eddie is saying in this song.)

So search for that song in your heart, find your melody, or some other musical sounding cliché. Life just seems happier with a little background music, and that’s no lie.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes

Nell Carter says "Gimme a Break"...

Due to some craziness of schedule, the blog will be taking the rest of the week off.

Feel free to visit others in my absence. I won't get jealous...much.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "No More No Less" by Collective Soul

Oh, be careful little mouth what you say...

Obvious: (adj.) easily seen, recognized, or understood; open to view or knowledge; evident.

So I took a little flak this weekend for using this little word “obviously.” It was in church on Sunday when a few of us were discussing some stuff upon which we did not all agree. So when I stated my case and said, “Well, obviously….” Others took some offense to it.

What’s the big deal? So perhaps I didn’t have all my facts straight and may have been a little bit wrong. Yet throwing out that simple, little adverb changed my idea from a simple point of view into a pompous, arrogant one.

I realized my error pretty quickly, which (naturally) led me to start throwing the word around with even less care. I was declaring that everything was “obviously” correct as the way I see it just to stick it to those who were part of the discussion.

There was a lesson to be learned, for sure. Be careful what you say. The bible says in Matthew chapter 12 that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

Yikes.

Obviously, I need to work on that.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Leave You Far Behind” by Lunatic Calm

The Hatter is MAD...

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, dear Roberto. Happy birthday to me.

Yeah, it’s my birthday, along with celebrities Keira Knightley, Amy Smart, and George Lin. (Ok, so George isn’t a celebrity…yet.)

Take a moment to celebrate on my behalf, and as a gift to myself for turning the big 2-9 I am choosing not to write any more today.

And a very merry un-birthday to you.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Build Me Up Buttercup” by Herman’s Hermits

Party on, bandito-style...

WOO HOO! It’s spring break time for a lot of people…and this story has a man who knows how to celebrate!

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese man angry that a new apartment building put his house in the shade was arrested after shooting about a dozen bullets at it with a competition rifle.

Police said the man apparently fired at the 11-storey building, which was completed last October, from a window on the third floor of his house, a distance of roughly 164 feet.

"He felt the building management didn't take a sincere attitude toward his complaints that the building was keeping sunlight from reaching his house," a police spokesman in the western city of Kyoto said.

Nobody was injured in the shootings but walls, railings and two lights on the apartment building were damaged.

Seriously, though, those railings had it coming…just sitting there with that smug look on their faces…

People are crazy, and God bless them for it. It gives me a reason to laugh.

Enjoy your weekend, and spring break, peoples!

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Listen to the Rain” by Evanescence

007 373 5963...

If there’s a better way to kick off International Goof-Off Day than three guys staying up all night playing Mike Tyson’s Punch Out on the original Nintendo, I haven’t figured it out…

I think I’m learning a little something about perseverance. We’ve been fighting Mr. Tyson over and over and over again, and he’s repeatedly kicking our butts.

We’ve reached that bargaining stage now…”Ok, first person to knock him down gets a burrito.”

This is too good.

As they said in Galaxy Quest…

NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!

At least nobody’s lost an ear yet. Gotta go. It’s my turn.

Happy Thursday!

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson” by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince

Despite "The Producers," it's not just for Hitler...

Woo hoo! It's the first day of Spring!

Ahh, spring…the time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to, well, I don’t remember. You see, I’m beginning to feel like I’m not so much a young man anymore, what with the persistent injuries and the fact that I’m almost 29.

But hey, it’s springtime! It’s time for the sun to make its glorious return and make the outdoors pleasant again. I, for one, can’t wait for a chance to get out to play a little disc golf again, back spasms permitting. (I know, I know…give it time. I’ve heard it from everyone by now: I’m an idiot for rushing back to the basketball court.)

But looking ahead at the weather report, I’m seeing a lot of rain in the forecast. I suppose that’s the flipside of spring, isn’t it? It’s either rain or shine. What does the weatherman know, though? (Coincidentally, the movie “The Weatherman” is really depressing and boring.)

Ready for the application? Here it comes…it’s through the rain that nature is nurtured and brings forth the great beauty that we all get to appreciate. Sure, we don’t care for the rain so much, but it brings forth joy in the after effects.

Much like nature, in life we must bear through the “rainy” days in order to experience the great “beauty and sunshine.” Sometimes it is only through some suffering that we can grow enough to reach new peaks of joy. Through a little sacrifice can come much happiness.

So enjoy the rain, knowing what will follow.

And then enjoy the sun.

Then it doesn’t even matter how wrong the weatherman was.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Glory of Love” by Peter Cetera

Well, I guess he was ok in True Lies...

Confusion: (n.) disorder; tumult; upheaval; chaos.

Life has been finding me a little confused lately. I feel like I am juggling too many things at once and am rather frenetic. For some reason, as I started to think about the word “confusion,” I decided to look up everyone’s favorite Chinese philosopher, Confucius. (Hey, they sound similar, so sue me.)

I was led to a quote from him that seems incredibly poignant at this moment. Take a gander at this little doozie:

“Life is really simple, but men insist on making it complicated.”

It’s got me thinking, in another very hippy-sounding moment…SIMPLIFY, MAN!!!

Seriously, though, when you’ve got a bit of obsessive compulsiveness in you, as I’m pretty sure that I do, (the fact that I have dictionary.com as a “favorite” in my internet explorer is a solid indicator) perhaps one just needs to remove some of the life obstacles that aren’t really necessary.

We worry so much about many things that don’t really matter, and it only adds to our stress and confusion.

For instance, as I sit here and watch the Conan O’Brien show before going to bed, Tom Arnold is coming out as the next guest. Seems like a natural place to start some “life-obstacle removal.”

Tom Arnold…[shudder!]

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Chantilly Lace” by The Big Bopper

I bet Fred Taylor and I could be best buddies...

So Sunday came and went, and I started thinking to myself, “I’m feeling pretty good. I think I may play basketball tonight. I had even found my old basketball shoes that I thought I had lost. All signs are pointing to a successful return to the courts at Calvary.”

Remember that back injury I had? Yeah, turns out it wasn’t quite done healing yet. Less than five minutes in to the first game, I find myself feeling an all-to-familiar “ping” in the muscles of my back. Unlike like the commercials for Southwest Airlines where people get super-excited over the “ping,” I knew right away that this “ping” was not of the good variety.

Like an idiot, I finished playing in that first game, but just gave a half-hearted effort throughout it. Since I’m normally only playing at about 75% as it is, it makes it more like a 37.5% hearted effort. I made my way to the sidelines and began to fume about my own idiocy.

It was at that point that I had a very interesting discussion about whether or not Godzilla could defeat Superman. (I’ll not spoil you with the outcome, but let’s just say it didn’t go so well for the man in tights.)

Anyway, I got to realizing, WHY AM I SO DUMB???!!! This was much, much too soon to try and return to playing ball after a debilitating back injury, and I was a fool to even attempt it.

As a result, I’ve spent much of today receiving shameful stares and disapproving shakes of the head from people who aren’t mad…just disappointed.

So today, I offer you these words of encouragement:

HEY! YOU’RE SMARTER THAN ROB!!!

Granted, for some…oh, who am I kidding…most, if not all, of you already knew that. Still, it’s good to hear it out loud. So maybe you can get somebody nearby to read it to you out loud. You could take turns. Sounds like a fun game.

You’re welcome.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Put Your Lights On” by Everlast with Santana

I can HEAR Jimmy...

So, I recover from my wonderful back spasms and manage to work a whole two days before coming down with some nasty flu symptoms.

This stinks.

Currently, I lead my NCAA tournament pool, though. So I guess that’s good. And anytime that Duke loses it’s a good thing.

The other day I was asked, “What comes to mind when I mention ‘Dust in the Wind’?”

I promptly responded, “YOU’RE MY BOY, BLUE!” The funny thing is that after that the next item to pop in my head would be “All we are is dust in the wind, dude.” Bill and Ted were so deep. I’m sure that’s exactly what Kansas had in mind when they wrote the song.

It got me to thinking about how quickly hearing something can transport you instantly to someplace different in your mind. For instance, when I hear “My Hero” by the Foo Fighters I feel charged up to take on just about anything. If you’re driving in your car and you hear that guitar solo from “Freebird” you can’t help but speed up. I’m pretty sure that a little Enya will lower your blood pressure.

It’s amazing what effects music can induce.

Now, if only there were something I could listen to that would make this flu bug disappear…

Maybe “The Macarena” would work. That song scares anything away.

It’s probably not worth it though.

Let’s go Yellow Jackets!

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Moondance” by Van Morrison

Et tu, Brute? Beware the ides of March indeed...

I thought I had a pretty positive idea for what I might write about for today. Then disaster struck in the form of a movie. I have always maintained that Bio-dome was my absolute least favorite movie. Today, a new champion arose to dethrone the Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin debacle as the biggest waste of my time that I so desperately wish I could have back. After seeing this movie, I was fuming.

Thursday afternoon I saw Borat: Cultural Learnings of blah blah blah ruin Rob’s brain.

Granted, amidst the 84 minutes of run time there may have been a total of three minutes that were a little funny, but the other 81 were not just unfunny, they were absolutely disgusting and offensive. Don’t get me wrong, I love me a little dark comedy too, but this movie absolutely went over the line. I would’ve turned it off early on, but I had heard from two different sources, who I used to think were reliable, that there was some REALLY funny stuff in it. So I waited it out, expecting the “funny” scene to present itself. When the credits finally rolled, I got on the phone and berated the aforementioned sources for a solid 15 minutes. I have never wanted something ripped from my brain so bad in all my life. (And I saw the Matrix sequels…)

If only that Haitian from Heroes could come make me forget those 84 minutes…

There was one scene, and if you’ve seen it you know exactly which one I’m talking about, that was way beyond disgusting. My buddy who I was watching the movie with had gotten up to go to the bathroom just before this scene had started. When he came back he said, “What did I miss?”

I was speechless. Literally. No words could depart from my lips. I’ll let this settle in for you for a minute. This is me we’re talking about. I pretty much always have something to say about anything, but for this moment I was frozen and I couldn’t muster up anything.

Ugh…so frustrating.

I suppose the lesson learned from this is that I should go with my instincts. Next time I think, “Gee, I think I should turn this off,” it’s getting turned off.

The other good thing is that I feel a little better after ranting a bit. I think I’d like to end on a positive note, though. So positively do not see this movie. Your brain says thank you.

Incidentally, fun episode of Lost, and Claire sure was a cutie as a brunette.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “The Promise” by When In Rome

I feel betrayed...

Today marks one of the most misleading international holiday names out there. Today is International Pi Day. (I could really go for a slice of French Silk pie right now…well, not really. I just ate a delicious cinnamon roll.) The point is, it’s not that sort of pie. March 14 is International Pi Day, referring to the mathematical constant that is the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter in Euclidean geometry. (I have no idea what I even just said…)

So for those who care, here’s pi to 100 digits!!!

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679

Wow, wasn’t that fun?

What do you mean, “No?”

Ok, fine. Instead, I’ll leave you with a bad joke about pie:

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

I guess the lesson is to be happy with what you’ve got, even if it’s just some irrational real number, like pi. (Hey, it makes the engineers and math teachers happy…)

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “99 Luftballoons” by Nena

You know what they say about all good things...

It is with a daunting sadness that I begin to write for, you see, today marks the end of ten-day era. Today is the last day of my mini-retirement. Tomorrow it is back to the grind for me. My Valium-induced vacation has come to an end and it is time to once again work.

You can begin to feel sorry for me now. (Thanks…you’re the best.)

It’s been fun, and I’ve learned the following few truths about being home-ridden:
1) Daytime television is awful. There are no two ways about it. It is very possible the “The View” will bring forth the end of the world.
2) You can kiss your sleep schedule goodbye as you stay up later and later and periodically nap throughout the day.
3) As a final laugh from Murphy and his uncaring laws, the weather will become beautiful as soon as you return to work.

I suppose the important thing is that I was given a chance to recover and my workplace was very cooperative. So I feel very grateful the job that I have.

So take a minute today and be thankful for some of the little things that work in your favor. It makes the bigger things a little easier to handle.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Have It All” by Jeremy Kay

Insanity runs in my family; It practically gallops...

Let’s take a minute to give it up for farmers. I believe it is their fault that we suffer through this daylight savings time nonsense. They don’t want to get up at 4:30 in the morning, so we tell them that it is 5:30 and it’s ok all of a sudden. On behalf of all of you who had to get up earlier than normal today I’d just like to say, “We want our hour back!”

And as an amusing little story for anyone who’s ever seen O, Brother, Where Art Thou? I had another “Rob’s brain runs off” moment. I went in for a haircut yesterday at Sportclips (and all they had on was women’s basketball…so disappointing) and fully entrusted the stylist, Donna, to do whatever she thought would look good with my hair. She gave me a cut and then began to style it, recommending that I use pomade on it instead of gel, mousse, or hairspray. I was instantly transported in my mind to a Walworth’s where I began to think, “I don’t want Fop, dangit! I’m a Dapper Dan man!” If you don’t know what that means, stop what you are doing and go watch O, Brother, Where Art Thou? You will not be sorry.

Ok…tangents aside…

This weekend marked a big event in my life. It marked a dynamic change in a relationship for me and someone special to me. It was a time in which I said those three little words that are so hard to say to someone so close to you. The words were tough to come by, but I managed to sputter them out:

“You were right.”

(Sorry, folks, it wasn’t those “other” three words.)

Let me just say that if you have the chance to see the classic movie, Arsenic and Old Lace, take it. Very, very funny movie. Sorry, Dad, that I didn’t listen to your recommendation for all those years. I’ll say it again…you were right. (See, now you’ve got it saved on your voice mail AND on the internet. Consider it an early birthday present…)

It got me to thinking a little bit about something we discussed in the 20-Somethings class (or as I like to call it, The Leftovers) at my church. We were discussing the idea of how to determine what kind of people do we listen to and learn from in our lives. We agreed that as a “younger” group we have a tendency to ignore those who are older than us when they try to give us advice. We say things like, “Things have changed,” or, “You don’t know what I’m going through.” We have a tendency to prefer to hear advice from our peers.

The truth of the matter is that we should listen to our elders. They have been there before us and generally want what is best for us. I know this now.

And all it took for me to finally get this was watching this old movie after a friend recommended it to me. Who knew?

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Land of Shame” by VAST

I think that my feelings would be best explained in a monologue...

Ok, folks, buckle up. Today’s blog is about to get heavy.

But first, something embarrassing that I have to get off of my chest. The other day while flipping through channels, I came across Superstar, the movie. The movie is based off of the Saturday Night Live sketch that stars Molly Shannon as Mary Catherine Gallagher, a nervous catholic schoolgirl who, when she gets nervous, sticks her hands under her armpits and smells them like this. (You all know what I’m talking about, right? Please say you do.) Anyway, Will Ferrell is in the movie too, and that’s my excuse for why I didn’t immediately change the channel.

Don’t judge me.

Anyway, there was a line in the movie that was very, very funny, and also carried a pretty hefty message to it. Let me set up the scene for you. (Granted, I only saw part of this movie once, so I’m bound to some slight inaccuracies, but I’m not about to watch that movie again.)

There was this guy driving on his motorcycle heading out of town, attempting to flee from his problems. He was in love with Mary Catherine Gallagher, but her heart seemed to have been won by another man. As this guy cycled down the road, an image of “God” appeared on the road (played by Will Ferrell in full on robes and beard) and directed him to turn his bike around and go back to her. The man on the bike stopped and said to “God”, “But she’s in love with this other guy. Should I really go back to her? I don’t think she likes me.”

It was at this point that “God” said to him, “Are you serious? I’m frickin’ God. I appear to you in the middle of the road and tell you to go back and you’re not sure if it’s a good idea? You think that I’d lead you astray? Man, why did I create people so insecure?”

I’m sure that’s not exactly how the lines went, but you get the idea. Why are we insecure? Everyone is gifted and talented in certain ways, yet we are so unsure of ourselves and feel insecure when other people point out our weaknesses.

But do we need to feel insecure? It says in the book of Psalm 139:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

You see, God created us to be exactly who he wanted us to be. There is no one else like you who’s been created for the purpose that you have been created. So it should be with great confidence that you live your life. It will not be easy, but you can toss those insecurities aside.

So live confidently. Sometimes it may even take seeing part of a ridiculous movie to help you get the point. In the end, you were created even for that.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “This World” by Caedmon’s Call

Only 50 more years until Mike Tyson pulls this stunt...

Yesterday, I encountered one of the strangest stories that I have ever heard. Apparently, two 90+ year-old men are due for a showdown in a boxing match:

91-Year-Old to Jack LaLanne: Let's Get It On

You probably know the fitness guru Jack LaLanne, the nonagenarian who pulls off crazy stunts like swimming 1.5 miles while towing 70 boats on his 70th birthday. But now let me introduce you to Roland Fortin, a 91-year-old former boxing cut man who is challenging LaLanne to a fight. Fortin is suggesting that a four-round boxing match between himself and LaLanne could establish once and for all the answer to the question that's been debated on barstools across the country: Who's the toughest guy in the country in the 90-plus age bracket? The challenge has been picked up by newspapers, ESPN mentioned it, and there's even talk that Don King could get involved. There's just one problem, as I see it. Fortin is 91 and LaLanne is 92. It seems to me, if you want to be among the toughest in the elderly set, you have to challenge someone younger than you. It's time for Fortin to pick on someone his own age.

I…just don’t even know what to say. Isn’t this just asking for trouble? How can two men over the age of ninety fight each other without someone getting killed?

What’s next? Will we find toddlers challenging each other to fights?

Actually, that sounds like it could be a hit show on FOX.

You heard it here first.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Tribute” by Tenacious D

Well, it is the last day of National Ghost Writers Week...

I was going to say, “Sorry, but between today’s naps this blog has nothing to say today,” and not anything more.

Then I got to thinking about naps, and thought perhaps we could all learn a little something about what good napping does for us all.

So today I offer you the words of some other dude, regarding naps. Enjoy!

“The clichés linking naps to small children and the elderly, have been difficult to get rid of. Especially in the last few years where the myth further insisted that snoozing in the middle of the day was synonymous with being lazy. However today, it’s a scientifically proven fact: an afternoon nap is beneficial for our health and particularly for our intellectual abilities. In a recent study, researchers at NASA showed that a thirty to forty-minute power nap increased cognitive faculties by approximately 40%! Tests carried out on one thousand volunteers proved that those who continued working without rest, made lower scores in intelligence tests like the IQ test. More importantly, their capacities to work and memorize decreased in comparison to those who napped after lunch. In concordance with NASA’s work, biology students at Berkeley determined that the nap must be short in order to produce maximum effectiveness. Over forty five minutes, the beneficial effects of napping disappear and it is therefore suggested to take a fifteen to thirty five minute “power nap”. This is the time necessary for the organism to rest and enables brain neurons to recuperate. Airline pilots know this only too well: a twenty minute nap considerably reduces the risks of falling asleep at the controls in mid-flight. Catching a few ZZs helps fight drowziness following an intense period of concentration. If sleep specialists recommend a time slot between 1:00 p.m. and 2:30 p.m., in fact the best time to nap depends on the time you wake up. Depending on what line of work each individual has, a worker on a graveyard shift for example, should count 7 hours after the alarm clock goes off. Convinced of the positive effects of napping, some companies have established strict guidelines on this practice and are encouraging their employees to take naps. The significant results obtained included an enormous decrease in absenteeism, tardiness, and work-related stress”

So there you have it. Stop reading. Stop working. Go nap. You’ll be better for it.

I hear that Valium helps.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Marble Halls” by Enya (It sounds an awful lot like a lullaby.)

Bo knows video games...

I feel like I’ve been forced on to ride a ridiculous roller coaster of emotions lately. First, there was anger at Lance Briggs for demanding to be traded from my beloved Bears. Next, there was confusion at my beloved Bears for trading away Thomas Jones for very little. Third, there was hunger. (I gotta eat.) Then, there was loopiness from the aforementioned Valium. And lastly, I’ve been confronted with a bit of nostalgia, but I’ll get to that later.

What’s up with my Bears? What have they done to upset Briggs so much? Those McCaskeys are trouble, I guess. If Briggs wants out so bad, and you’re going to deal Thomas Jones away (only to move up in the second round???) anyway, why not package the two of them to get someone who can make an impact. I do have a lot of faith in Cedric Benson’s ability to punish opposing defenses with his power running game, but the 1-2 punch of Jones and Benson was pretty lethal. Hopefully Adrian Petersen will prove to be a capable reserve.

But football aside, I’d like to take a moment to talk about nostalgia:

Nostalgia: a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

Nostalgia seems to be gaining in popularity. Sports teams have been wearing “throwback” jerseys in many of the major sports. We’ve been subjected to numerous movies that are simply remakes of old ones, or based off of old television programs. VH1 has given us numerous “I Love The (fill in your time period of choice)” shows.

For me, nostalgia reared its head in a different way. Since I am pretty much home bound for a while with my back injury, I’ve been looking for ways to keep myself entertained. I tried reading from my new book, The Illuminatus Trilogy, but my Valium has a tendency to cause me to doze off while reading. I realized last night that we have an X-Box in the house that nobody has used in a few years. We only have one game for it (Madden 2004), but I mentioned to my roommates that I may break it out this week to help pass the time. It was then that one of them mentioned, “You know…we’ve got a Nintendo downstairs that you could try to get working.”

My eyes lit up at the thought. Now, I should make it clear that I’m not talking about the new Nintendo Wii, the GameCube, The Nintendo 64, or even the Super Nintendo. What we have here is the original 8-bit machine that was introduced twenty-one and a half years ago. It was with great exhilaration that we began to connect it to the tv and try to play. Naturally, as any of you who ever played one of these machines remembers, the games don’t always work at first. You’ve got to blow in them to clean out the dust and wiggle them around until you can finally get them to work. This took a while, but before you know it, I had Contra playing in the machine and was pressing up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, select, start and Nick and I were off killing aliens with an abundance of extra lives.

It…was…awesome.

So nostalgia is a powerful thing. For a solid hour or two, I had given no thought to my back discomfort and was in a pretty happy state.

Almost made me forget about my Bears and their interesting moves of the day.

So remember something that used to make you smile today…it makes the pain of daily nuisances disappear.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Bust A Move” by Young MC

I feel so funky...

Welcome back to the workweek. I hope the weekend found you well.

Over the weekend, I made a new friend. This friend is very good for me. Someone who knows what he is doing recommended this friend to me. This friend helps me to relax and just feel better all over. This friend is Valium.

Remember when I commented a while ago about back pain? Well, apparently it was worse than I thought. As the weekend wore on it got worse and worse. Yesterday morning, it became too hard to deal with the pain, so I went to the treatment center to get checked out. After sitting in the waiting room for approximately four eternities, I was allowed in to the smaller waiting room where they took my blood pressure and asked me a few questions. I was then banished back to the bigger waiting room again, where I was to wait for another six eternities before finally getting in to see an actual doctor. It was at this point I began having little flashbacks to episodes of Scrubs…

“Dr, I think I that I may have pink eye.”
“Ok, take off your pants.”

Oh, Dr. Wynn…

Anyway, when I finally did see the doctor, he poked and prodded at me for a bit and determined that I did strain some muscles in my back pretty badly. Worse than that, he determined that I’ve been having some back spasms that have only made things worse. He sent in a nurse to inject me with some strong anti-inflammatory medicine and also my new friend, Valium.

It was amazing how quickly it took effect. My whole body just started to relax and feel much, much better.

I learned something yesterday, though. Be careful what you say when you’re on Valium, because you may not even remember it.

Last night, when one of my roommates came home, I said to him, “Dude, did you hear what happened to me today?” He responded, “What happened?”

I began to tell him of my trip to the treatment center and about my back troubles. He looked at me and said, “Yeah, we talked about this earlier. We had like a ten minute conversation. I thought you meant that something else happened. Do you not remember us talking about it?”

I stared blankly, trying to wrack my brain for any recollection of such a conversation. It was to no avail. As far as my brain was concerned, it never happened.

In addition to forgetting what you say, Valium has a tendency to cause you to doze off. Something I do remember from yesterday is writing an email to another friend. I completely dozed off right in the middle of what I was writing. I woke approximately ten minutes later to find that my hand had been resting on the “L” key. There was line after line after line that just looked like this:

Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

I should’ve just sent the email as it was. It would have been funny. Instead, I edited out the gratuitous “L’s” and finished up where from where I had stopped.

So today I propose a toast to Valium. May it make my ensuing days off from work tolerable, keep me from pain, and help make watching Batman Returns (it’s on right now) more interesting.

Happy Monday, people.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats

Can I have a do-over?

As I contemplate the day gone by and begin to write something to be read tomorrow, one word keeps coming to mind:

Melancholy.

Today was not the greatest of days. The workload was massive and hectic. The weather was gloomy and dismal. Even lunch was a greasy double-cheeseburger from McDonald’s. (Hard to argue with the dollar menu, though.) Scrubs, the show I feel could always pick me up was a bit of a “downer” episode, too. It’s as if there was nothing I could do to make today better.

It got me to thinking…how could the day have been different? If I had made some different choices, could Thursday, March 1, 2007 have been better than the way it turned out to be?

Some might say, “No way. Look at all that happened to you. You’re a victim of your circumstances.” (Seriously, who talks like that?) I think, however, that it could have been different. I could have made some different choices. The choices that I could have changed were with my attitude.

In another, what I am starting to think as, classic “I hate my brain” moment, I am remembering something that one of my teachers in high school did. At the time I thought he was nuts. I remember it clearly. He was a first year teacher, so he didn’t quite seem all that organized. He began the class by calling roll. He handed out a syllabus (a hilarious word, by the way), and then he handed out another sheet of paper. This sheet of paper had one sentence written on it in big, bold, capital letters:

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.

That’s it. It said no more. He then went on to talk about how good and bad things happen to all of us each and every day. It is how we respond to those things that matters. I remember thinking at the time, “Why did he waste all that time and hand out this stupid sheet of paper? This guy is never gonna make it as a teacher.”

Here it is…many, many years later and that moment sticks out in my mind. The kicker is that I know what he said is true. Everybody has their “ups and downs,” but not everybody bounces back from the “downs” so well. How you choose to bounce back is completely up to you. You can either let yourself be victimized or you can take control and turn things for the positive. It is in your hands.

Me? I’m going to choose “up.” Tomorrow is another day, and you know what, it’s going to rock.

Bring it on.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Fool in the Rain” by Led Zeppelin

Wait here, I'll be right back...

March 1st (best month of the year, by the way) kicks off the start of National Ghostwriters (not to be confused with the movie of questionable quality, Ghost Rider) Week. It makes me think that maybe one of you ought to be writing this. I mean, seriously, you take and you take and you take from this blog. How ‘bout you contribute a little? (It’s ok. I forgive you.)

Alas, that will not be the case.

Lately, I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend. It seems that more and more scary movies are coming out in the theaters. It started with Norbit (scary in its own way) and lately I feel that I have been assaulted with commercials for bunches of scary movies. Since January, there have been many, many frightening releases such as The Hitcher, #23, and Zodiac. Coming soon to a theater near you, however, is what looks to be the ultimate scary film. It is called Dead Silence. It appears to be about a bunch of ventriloquists’ dummies that come to life and bring people to various degrees of deadness.

It’s as if they’ve peered in to my brain and decided that I ought to have nightmares for the rest of my life. I’m not sure why, but dolls just freak me out, man. (I feel a little bit like Dennis Hopper after typing that last line.) There’s something in their eyes. So cold, so calculating, so fear inducing. I swear one of these days they will move on their own, and we must be ready for when that day comes.

To that end, I propose the following solution: We must keep anything that could aid an evil doll in doing us harm at least four feet off of the ground. Their short stature and stubby, little arms will be their undoing. Additionally, it would be a good idea to keep an extra pillowcase or two on hand to throw over their heads and carry them off. Again, their tiny size is their greatest weakness.

Maybe, just maybe, if we all work together, we can prevent the inevitable doll revolution from being successful.

Hmm, on second thought after reading this over, maybe one of you should’ve written today. Those holiday planners knew what they were doing after all.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: “Boomin’” by TobyMac