Sadly, it didn't feature an appearance from Rerun...

So, I'm home sick again...coughing and blowing my runny nose with a frequency like David Spade saying something sarcastic. My nose is literally raw from so much contact with tissues. The good news is that I'm beginning to feel better. My throat no longer burns when I cough. Seems like a good start towards healing. Yay!

Some not-so-good news, however, is how I elected to pass some of my time while home sick.

This morning, I watched a movie. This should not be too surprising. Let me go on the record to say that I love the movies "The Sixth Sense," "Unbreakable," and "Signs." I thought that "The Village" was pretty decent as well as "Lady in the Water."

All of these films were written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I'm not certain that I spelled his name correctly just now, but after what I just endured, I don't feel it's necessary to look his name up for accuracy.

I just finished watching "The Happening."

For those of you who want the short version, here it is: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!!! It is terrible and it warrants 484 Spartans on my Spartan scale.

Ok, you've been warned. For those of you who want to know why, I offer the top ten reasons why this movie was so terrible. (Spoilers will be included, so if you wish to defy me and see the movie anyway, stop reading now.)

1) The Premise: The Happening is about an airborne virus that is infecting people and leading them to commit suicide in gruesome manners. It is first thought to be some sort of terrorist attack. Later, the movie reveals the big, scary threat is trees. Yes, you read that correctly...trees. More specifically, trees, bushes, and even grass. The movie isn't completely clear on what types of trees, bushes, or plants are responsible...but just makes it seem that "Mother Earth" or "Nature" is striking back.

2) An airborne virus...yet no one seals themselves inside anything, they often go on the run outside...where the evil trees and wind can roam freely.

3) SCARY WIND! Since the movie never really has a visible antagonist, we are left with menacing shots of the wind blowing through the trees. Nothing like beautiful shots of nature to inspire fear!

4) The performances are just awful. Seriously, I don't think that any actor or actress spent much time rehearsing for this movie. Nearly every line is just muttered as if it's being read off the script for the first time. The only exception might be the creepy old shut-in lady near the end of the film. She's rather "over-the-top" creepy, and gives the lone memorable performance in the film. Plus, she had a really creepy doll in her bedroom that scared the begeezus out of me.

5) Meaningless subplots..."Joey" calls on the cell phone frequently and it seems like he'll become an important player at some point. Nope, he's just a throwaway, non-important background character whose only purpose is to demonstrate that Emma and Elliot are having trouble with their relationship. I suppose this is just to have a little extra "Awwww" moment when they work things out. (Complete with adopting little Jess and a pregnancy, yay!!!)

6) The symptoms of the effected people are just weird. For some reason, they all (well, almost all) stop in their tracks before finding a way to "off" themselves. Some of them even walk backwards. Weird...I don't get it. I suppose it was just supposed to be a "look how they're not acting normally" moment so that we can recognize who'd been effected later. Whatever...I found it jarring and annoying.

7) When the protagonists (those that are still alive) determine that the virus is airborne and being spread by the trees, they flee into the forest and fields. Yes, the forest and fields.

8) When Elliot is separated from Emma and Jess, he decides that "if we're all going to die, I want to be together." So he intends to brave the outdoors to move out of his building to the building where they are waiting. Once would expect a sprint across the field to be reunited with his loved ones. It could've been a moment of (albeit contrived) tension. Instead, he slowly walks out the front door with dramatic music backing him up. Jess and Emma slowly walk out of their building, too. Now they're all in danger of being infected. Fret not, though, as the virus has simply decided to "unexpectedly stop" as nature sometimes does...how convenient.

9) The annoying side-characters. I don't even recall the two boys names who somehow ended up with the main three. Who they are or where they came from is irrelevant. They were simply brought along to be fodder to show that crazy shut-ins like to shoot people with shotguns. I think it was supposed to be shocking, but I was, instead, thankful that we didn't have to hear from those two any more.

10) The foolish extra end scene...ugh, as if the movie wasn't bad enough. At the end of the film, we're left to wonder if this "happening" was something government related or "nature" fighting back. This was potentially the most interesting moment in the movie, as people were doubting the source of the "happening." As tv scientists explain their theories as we are watching, one suggests a government conspiracy since the "happening" only occurred near some rumored CIA facilities. If there had been outbreaks in other places, it would indicate that it was "nature" fighting back. Cut to three months later. We have the aforementioned "happy ending" with the young girl going off to school, a baby on the way, and everything is sunshine and lollipops. Except that in France, the "happening" is, um, well..for lack of a better word...happening again. Looks like "nature" really is striking back.

So, in the end, the movie is a pretty big "we need to take better care of our planet or it's going to rise up and attack us" propaganda piece.

(In my best David Spade voice) "Yeah, we need that like we need another Paris Hilton reality show..."

Seriously, avoid this flick unless you want to waste time. On the plus side, it was relatively short...

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Who Cares?" by Extreme