Ebert and Roeper got nothin' on me...

So I've been thinking more and more about what to do with this blog. Sure, it's a handy way for me to expound upon the frivolous thoughts that come and go through my head, but how can I make it more interesting? How can I make it be somewhat useful to you, the reader, who clearly is looking to kill a few minutes?

I've decided that I'll offer up a bit of a service occasionally. No, don't worry, it'll be free of charge. What I'm offering you isn't all that valuable, but it just may save you some time, sanity, or even save your life. (Not likely, though.)

I've decided that I'm going to, every now and then, write up some movie reviews. I love movies. Good movies, bad movies, just-so-long-as-they're-not-forgettable-movies...I enjoy them all in their own way. I suppose it's the escapist in me who just wants to slip away from my chaos-riddled brain and focus on something that is, so completely, not me.

Before I do this, however, I need to explain how I rate movies. Some people will give a movie between zero and five stars. Some refer to a number of "thumbs up" or "thumbs down." Rottentomatoes.com gives a percentage of positive reviews and calls them either "fresh" or "rotten."

I've got something better. (At least, I like it, anyway.)

My system was developed after seeing the epic pseudo-historical movie "300." Many people loved and doted upon the greatness of this movie. It made a killing at the box office. Sure, it had lots of action (blood) and fighting. However, I also felt it had lots of boredom-producing moments.

For starters, dude...what's with all the slow-motion? Every time an "action" scene was about to begin, the rock music kicked in and things slowed to a crawl so that we could see copious amounts of blood spurts as people were slain left and right. This carries on for the entire movie. I'm pretty convinced that if the movie had not had so much slow motion in it, it would've been five minutes long, and probably much more enjoyable, to boot.

Next, the yelling was an issue. Nobody just speaks in this movie. Everyone yells. All the time. Ok, so I exaggerate a bit, but it certainly felt that way. We get your point. You're a big, angry warrior. We don't need to hear you yelling "SPAARRRTTTAAA!!!!" every five minutes.

All in all, the movie was just not a pleasant experience. Former roommate and current Italian Nick said it best when we finished watching the movie as the over-the-top rock music played and the credits began to roll:

"Man, even the credits are annoying."

Well said, Nick. Well said.

It's not all negative, though. Remember how I said "300" helped develop my movie rating system? (You should, it was just a few paragraphs ago.) I've lately rated movies by, what I affectionately call, The Spartan Scale.

Here's how it works. I hated "300." So on The Spartan Scale, it gets a score of 300 Spartans. 300 Spartans = As bad as the movie "300." Movies that are worse than "300" will get more Spartans on The Spartan Scale. Better movies will get less. (It's like golf scores or the number of times you stub your toe...lower numbers are better.)

For instance, "Borat," one of my least favorite movies, I've rated at 500 Spartans. (My worst rating ever.) "Bio-Dome" comes in at #2 on my worst list and scores 490 Spartans. "Fight Club" nets 8 Spartans, because it is so awesome.

Make sense? Sure, it's not a perfect system, but I like it and think it's quite funny.

And you know there are certain factors that can influence the Spartan Scale. If a movie features Bruce Campbell...that's minus 20 Spartans right off the top. Tom Arnold? Add 20 Spartans.

You get the idea.

So there you have it. That's The Spartan Scale. I think it's awesome. I give it 6 Spartans.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Hard Sun" by Eddie Vedder

This looks like a job for me...

"...nobody wants to see Marshall no more, they want Shady...I'm chopped liver."

Ah, words from that great and noble poet, Eminem, or Marshall Mathers, if you're nasty.

All that to say, guess who's back...back again!

I'd love to say that I used this time away from the blog wisely...that I accomplished such and such and conquered several small nations. That is not, however, the case. (Watch out though, Republic of Malta, I've got my eye on you.) Life carries on (as it usually does) much as it used to. I am now, though, thirty years old. As such, I'd like to think that I've grown up some, even if only a little bit.

To that end, I bring forth the following topic. Integrity. What is it? Why does it matter? How can integrity help me conquer small nations?

For starters, let's take a look at the definition of the word:

Dictionary.com (a favorite site of mine) lists three main definitions for "integrity"
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.
3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

While definition #2 may come in handy when establishing my dominion over Malta (later to be renamed Rob's Republic of Awesome), and definition #3 is good to understand for inevitable space travel (my shuttle better have plenty o' integrity), I believe that the "integrity" the I'm referring to is more in line with definition #1.

Moral and ethical principles. Sounds fun, right? I know that when I go to a party, the first person that I look for is the one with solid moral and ethical principles.

No?

Ok, so integrity isn't the most fun topic in the world, but it definitely matters. In today's world, most people are only interested in results. The ends justify the means.

Is that the way it ought to be, though? Should the ends, however they are found, really make up for what is lost in the method used to find them?

I'm proposing no. While it may not matter in each and every circumstance, integrity helps shape and mold you in a way that tells other people that you are trustworthy and honest. If we focus more on relationships, integrity will matter more and more.

Where am I going with this? I'm not really even sure. What I do know is that in the past week or so, my integrity has been challenged on many, many levels. I'd like to think that I handled things relatively well in most cases. In some of those cases, though, I know I fell short.

Fortunately, I know that part of integrity comes from perseverance. So it's time to press on.

So, how have you been? Miss me? (Feels good to write again.)

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Like a Rolling Stone" by Bob Dylan

To the moon, Alice...(or not)

So I was going to write up something deep and meaningful today about the relationships in my life and how I have such a great group of friends...

Then this story came along. Sure, it may not be heart-felt, warm, and fuzzy, but it is, in a word, AWESOME!

Take a look:

Public to decide fate of Bonds' record-breaking ball
By MARCUS WOHLSEN, Associated Press WriterSeptember 17, 2007

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- The fate of Barry Bonds' record-breaking home run ball is now in the public's hands after its buyer announced Monday he was taking votes on whether to give the ball to the Hall of Fame, brand it with an asterisk or blast it into space.
Fashion designer Marc Ecko revealed himself as Saturday's winning bidder in the online auction for the ball that Bonds hit last month to break Hank Aaron's record of 755 home runs. The final selling price for No. 756 was $752,467, well above most predictions.
Ecko had not even taken possession of the ball before setting up a Web site that lets visitors vote on which of the three outcomes they think the ball most deserves. He plans to announce the final tally after voting ends Sept. 25.

"I bought this baseball to democratize the debate over what to do with it," Ecko wrote on the Web site. "The idea that some of the best athletes in the country are forced to decide between being competitive and staying natural is troubling."

The 35-year-old Ecko is known for his pop culture pranks, including an infamous Internet video that showed him apparently infiltrating an airport tarmac and spray-painting graffiti on Air Force One. The incident turned out to be a hoax.

But the auction house that handled the sale confirmed that Ecko is indeed the ball's buyer.
"This transaction is happening and is going to be done by the end of the day," David Kohler, president of SCP Auctions, said Monday.

Kohler called Ecko's decision "brilliant" and said he had already visited the Web site and voted to send the ball to the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, N.Y.
Matt Murphy, a 21-year-old student and construction supervisor from New York, emerged from a scrum with the ball on Aug. 7. He decided to sell it, he said, because he couldn't afford the tax bill that would result from holding onto the ball.

Some tax experts said Murphy would have owed hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes based on a reasonable estimate of the ball's value even if he had never sold it. He may also have faced capital gains taxes as the ball gained value.

"This either makes him a lunatic or a genius, one of those two," Murphy said when told of Ecko's actions. "I'm leaning toward genius."

Murphy said he planned to vote to send the ball to Cooperstown.

Ecko himself said he voted to brand the ball with an asterisk, a reference to the belief of some Bonds detractors that the Giants slugger's record is tainted by his alleged use of performance-enhancing substances. Bonds has denied knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs.
Ecko said what really interests him is seeing what happens when an "American Idol" approach comes together with a serious public debate over drugs in sports.

"My vote really doesn't matter," said Ecko, who identifies himself as a New York Yankess fan. "The American public will tell us what to do with it."

On the Web:
Vote 756 here!

I think that's brilliant! For the record, I voted for the asterisk to be branded on the ball.

Four times.

Maybe they'll put an asterisk next to the poll results, too.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "Old Time Rock & Roll" by Bob Seger

Well, I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob...

Sometimes, no comment is necessary...check out this news story:

Skip work, make babies, governor says
By James Kilner

ULYANOVSK, Russia (Reuters) - The governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work Wednesday and make love instead to help boost Russia's low birth-rate.

And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time -- on Russia's national day on June 12 -- she will qualify for a prize, perhaps even winning a new home.

"It's normally something for the home -- a fridge or a television set," Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said.

"It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy."

Newly-weds Karina and Anton Bukhanovsky walked hand in hand down the main street of the regional capital of Ulyanovsk. They live in St Petersburg but traveled to Ulyanovsk to soak up the atmosphere Wednesday.

"I used to live here," said Karina, aged 19.

"We plan to come back on the same day next year and try for a baby and the prize nine months later," she said.

Anton, aged 21, kissed her gently on the cheek and they strolled off arm in arm.

Regional governor Sergei Morozov told employers to contribute to a Kremlin campaign to boost the birth rate by giving couples Wednesday off to have sex.

Russia wants to reverse a trend in which the population is shrinking by about 700,000 people a year as births fail to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism and suicide.

This is the third year Ulyanovsk region, famous as the birthplace of Soviet state founder Vladimir Lenin, has dedicated a day to encouraging couples to produce more babies.

Prizes will extend equally to unwed women who produce children on the right day, though the biggest prizes will go to married couples.

On Russia Day this year, a family won a jeep after their fourth baby was born on the holiday.

Next year, the top prizes will include an apartment, Morozov told Reuters. "We need more people," he said.

This year a record 78 babies were born on June 12 at the main hospital in the regional capital of Ulyanovsk, beating the 2006 total of 26, said chief doctor Andrei Malykh.

"The scheme is working. People want the prizes," he said.

There's a joke in there somewhere...I'm sure of it. I think I'll just go with this one:

"Peter. What's happening...yeah, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and stay home from work September 12th..."

Put that in your TPS report.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "The Ocean" by Led Zeppelin

Grr...argh...

Irony...sometimes it's subtle. Other times it's like the proverbial bull in a china shop...

It was six years ago that the twin towers in New York fell after the brutal, brutal terrorist attack. Tonight, on CNN they were doing a little tribute to that fateful day to help remember the events of that day. All in all, a noble gesture.

What wasn't so noble, however, was the news crawl that was making its way across the bottom of the tv screen. While images of the collapsing buildings filled most of the screen, the news on the bottom was informing me that Kayne West is blaming MTV for Britney Spears's recent poor performance on Video Music Awards.

I sat staring at the tv in disbelief. How could they let this go on? As the two complete opposite ends of the news spectrum shared screen time, I just got angry. Why are Kayne West's comments on Britney Spears and MTV newsworthy? What difference does it make? Ordinarily, it's easy enough to just ignore such a thing, but when it was on screen up against the most defining moment of our generation, it just stood out as a horrible hypocrisy. It felt like a joke that might air during an episode of The Soup. I couldn't believe it was really happening.

Ugh...so frustrating.

Anyway, I guess the lesson to be learned from this is to try to remember the things that matter...

Or at least ignore the other stuff.

Much luv,
Rob
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Song of the Day: "More to Life" by Stacie Orrico